Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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