Umm I'm too high to move.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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