She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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