my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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