I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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