Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize