My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We have started to decorate penises.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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