I want to stick my p in your. b.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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