Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
