yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize