At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sobbing to NWA
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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