she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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