so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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