I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
