I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
