great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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