he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
