Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
