i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
