There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
