we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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