It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
