my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
