Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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