so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
