thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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