I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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