Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
