I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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