She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
