You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
