is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
