Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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