so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
