Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize