I smell stomach acid.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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