we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
