i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's just like the Real World with babies
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize