And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
