watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
