meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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