a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
