Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
