swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
