Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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