Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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