Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
