You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
