Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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