I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
