Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
