I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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