Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it glows. i had to have it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
