i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
