i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize