im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
