just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
