YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
