Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
