So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
