first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You have to summon your inner elephant
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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