I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
