not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
