i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
