Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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