Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
