I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
