i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
