I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
