so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
